A Simple 2-Step Process for Uncovering Unknown Emotions

From: Dr. Frank Gunzburg

Before we move on to helping you find ways to cope with these difficult emotions, I would like to offer you the opportunity to look for and explore any emotions that you have been experiencing that are not discussed here

Aside from the common emotions discussed above, individuals can experience an array of different emotional responses to infidelity. This 2-step process for uncovering unknown emotions will help you discover specifically what is happening for you so you can effectively deal with those emotions.

Step 1: Think about the Affair

In order to start this process, I ask that you intentionally think about the affair. This might seem counterintuitive, but doing so will help reveal to you what you are feeling about all this.

Take a few minutes and sit by yourself. Don’t let anyone distract you during this time. Turn off the TV, the radio, the computer, and whatever other distractions might get in the way of your focus. Most people close their eyes. Then, take a few deep breaths and center yourself. When you are ready, bring the idea of the affair to mind. I suggest you start by imagining yourself in the same location and doing the same thing you were doing when you first found out. Don’t “see” yourself there; imagine that you are there in your own body and re-living the experience of finding out about the affair.

Step 2: Explore Your Emotional Responses

Once you are re-living the moment of your initial revelation about the affair, let the emotions you felt in that moment come up. When you have a firm grip on these feelings, let your mind take you where it will. If you don’t have words for the feelings, take these emotions with you. Bring to mind other times and places where your body experienced similar emotions. Do these other experiences help you describe the emotions you are having about the affair?

Explore whatever internal experiences and emotions come up for you as you do this. If you have been working through the exercises in the workbook, make some notes about what you experienced during those times, too. Do you find any emotions you weren’t expecting? What do you find inside of you? How are you reacting when you think about this terrible event?

Consider the possibility of engaging in this exercise on a regular basis. You can do it whenever you feel emotional but are unclear about what emotions you are feeling, or you can schedule regular times to sit down and consider your emotional turmoil. You might begin with different starting points if you want to investigate other emotions or if you feel that another starting point works better for you than the one I recommend. Do what works for you.

Whichever way you choose to approach this, make sure that you are exploring your emotions in a time and place where you can spend sufficient energy on the activity to make it worthwhile. You don’t want to try and look at your emotional difficulties at work or when you are expected to sit down with your family at dinner.

The main thing is that you stop running from your pain or looking for external answers for it. Take the time to look inside yourself, and you will find it is worth more than all the time you have spent looking elsewhere.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in Maryland and has been specializing is helping couples restore their marriage for over 30 years.

For more information about restoring the trust after an affair, please visit: http://www.surviveanaffair.com