Processing Your Emotions

From: Dr. Frank Gunzburg

At this point you might be asking yourself what you should do with these emotions when they come up. It is all fine and well to look at your emotions, but what you need is some help coping with them because right now they are overwhelming you. Coping with emotions is exactly what the next part of this book is about.

What follows are a set of quick, straight-forward strategies you can use to get overwhelming emotions under control. Throughout the course of this book, we will explore a number of ways to help you emotionally heal. The fact that you even picked up this book is a good step in that direction. You can consider what follows your emergency tool kit for getting yourself into a better head space.

Breathe

When you feel like you are about to be pulled under the tidal wave of your emotions, concentrating on your breathing can be a powerful way to step back from that feeling and let it go.

Take long, slow breaths with your abdomen for three to five minutes. If you get dizzy or lightheaded, stop immediately, and breathe normally again.

When you are finished with your breathing exercise, breathe normally for a few minutes before getting up. When you do get up, get up slowly. After an exercise like this, you may notice that the negative feeling you were struggling with before has completely disappeared. If it isn’t gone entirely, it is usually at least reduced.

Distract Yourself

Constantly trying to distract yourself from your feelings isn’t a healthy behavior. However, if you are incapable of acting because your emotions have such a strong hold over you, some distraction can give you a temporary reprieve from all those bad feelings.

Take a time out from life, and do something that you enjoy and that will keep you from thinking about the dreaded emotion you were just coping with. Let yourself become completely involved in the activity to the degree that you forget what was going on for you before.

Take Care of Yourself

This one is a little different than distraction. It isn’t built so much on the idea of doing something you love in order to escape the emotion you are feeling. Instead, it is about making sure that you are doing the basics, such as eating and sleeping and exercising. Taking care of yourself also means sometimes going beyond the basics and spoiling yourself a little to remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person.

Talk It out with a Friend

You have friends and family around you. Taking advantage of this support group can be invaluable at a time like this. If you feel like you can’t take it anymore, call a friend. Don’t worry. They will listen.

            If that doesn’t work, try a different friend. But do not continue to engage in conversations about the affair with people that do not respect your needs or do not support you in a positive fashion. This will only make your healing process that much more difficult.

Get out of the House or Office

A lot of people tend to hole up in their houses or bury themselves in work to keep from feeling pain. This isn’t helpful. You are only postponing the inevitable, and you might be stuffing the feelings away in a manner that could be harmful to your health. You also run the risk of developing this as a behavioral trend. That is not something you want to do.

Exercise

One of the most effective ways to work out powerful emotions is to use your physical body to do it. This is particularly effective if you are feeling overwhelming stress or anger. Experts universally agree that exercise reduces stress, while promoting your overall physical and psychological health.

When you exercise, you release chemicals into your bloodstream called endorphins. These chemicals are similar in structure to morphine, and promote a sense of relaxation and well-being. When you don’t exercise, you deprive yourself of this vitally refreshing chemical release.

I hope these suggestions help you to gain some distance from emotions that can otherwise feel like they will swallow you up. One last reminder: All things pass. What you are feeling right now won’t last forever. It is going to go away, maybe not as soon as you would like, but it will pass. Remember this when you feel bogged down in the pain you feel from the affair.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in Maryland and has been specializing is helping couples restore their marriage for over 30 years.

For more information about restoring the trust after an affair, please visit: http://www.surviveanaffair.com